The Transition from Visiting to Living

Jun 16, 2024

6 min read

“When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,

or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”

“When Death Comes” New and Selected Poems: Volume One (1992) - Mary Oliver

I am not only a visitor here in Benin. I am a visitor in the sense that I come from far off and as of yet don’t have a great grasp on language or culture (active work in progress), but I am also here with the intention to learn and live as the Beninois do for the next two years.

It hasn’t been easy this last week. The pre-service training schedule is relentless, and there are moments when cultures in our hybrid culture training clash. What does one do when the food takes three hours to come out and our curfew is at 8:30, like what happened to my cohort and me on Tuesday? Time in the Peace Corps is monochronic: we are expected to be on time because we have a limited time to learn as much as possible. Time in Benin is more polychronic. Things happen when they happen, and not as much is based on strict timetables. I admire this more fluid view of time. It’s liberating compared to the American adage “time is money.” It’s a way of looking at the world that honors the dignity of simply “being.” That said, waiting three hours for food doesn’t work when I’m on a strict time schedule with PC.

One aspect of intercultural competence is adaptation! So, when food takes three hours to come out because a group of 15 people went to a restaurant, it’s necessary to note that that doesn’t work. After Tuesday evening, we split into smaller groups, and one of my friends called ahead around lunchtime to make sure our food would be ready when we went out for dinner.

I am especially mindful of intercultural competence right now thanks to several excellent discussions facilitated by PC Benin Staff and my cohort. We discussed the differences between visible culture and deep culture. No doubt things are different between Benin and the US, but many of those observable differences are merely visible culture: manifestations of deeper culture that we don’t understand quite yet. I’m excited to continue to explore Benin with an open mind and curiosity first.

On Wednesday, we did zémidjan training! PC Benin is one of only a few posts that allow volunteers to ride motorcycle taxis. In the language Fon, zémidjan means “take me where I need to go quickly.” PC has provided us with high-caliber helmets that are mandatory to wear. To be seen on a zém without one would mean getting sent home. I like riding zéms!

Another cultural difference is the selling of goods and services. Prices are flexible. In all likelihood, it’s necessary to ask for a lower price. Ideally, one should have a good idea of what a particular good or service should cost and then work down to that level. That means I need to acquire a lot of background information to be financially responsible. Game on.

This culture extends to zém drivers. Before I get on a zém, I must discuss the price with the driver. If he quotes me a higher price than I’m willing to pay, I should either work the price down or find another driver. When we practiced this at the market with real zém drivers, we were supposed to pay 100 cfa, but my driver quoted me 200 cfa. I responded that I only had one. He went on to explain in great detail that 100 cfa wasn’t sufficient and listed reasons why that was the case, but thanks to my limited understanding of French it went almost entirely over my head. In response to his speech, I said “I only have 100 cfa.” He started to debate again, but I said I was going to find another driver if he wouldn’t take me for 100 cfa (at least I tried to. I really said “I’m going over there” and started talking to another driver). The driver didn’t want to lose my business, so he took me for 100 cfa.

I’m nervous about bargaining. I generally don’t love to make ripples, but I’m trying to recontextualize bargaining. This practice isn’t making ripples, it’s simply the flow here. To stand still and be complacent with prices would be counter to the culture (and to my wallet).

I need to practice my French so badly. I can generally convey my meanings with simple tasks, but even commonplace interactions are marked with profound errors and misunderstandings on my part. I think in the last week, I became complacent thanks to my French-speaking friends. When I went out with a friend who is the same level as me, we were both aghast at how terribly we did trying to order dinner. We laughed at our mistakes and hashed out how we could do better in the future. (I ordered pâté rouge, by the way. Pâté rouge stays winning 24/7/365).

We did our first technical sessions on Thursday! It was very exciting to learn about our roles and responsibilities, as well as getting an introduction to active service Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) volunteers. The TEFL crew is solid. I am one of two with teaching experience, but the rest of the gang is very eager to learn and is ready to prioritize the needs of students. I am grateful for my friend with teaching experience because he has more experience than I do and he’s already provided a lot of useful, relevant best practices. While I excel more with content, he excels with classroom management, so I’m going to absorb all I can. Even though only a month has passed since I’ve been in the classroom, it was so exciting to talk about teaching again. I can’t wait to get into technicalities and start practicing again.

I have officially moved in with my host family. I have parents, two sisters, and one brother. They have welcomed me into their home warmly. It’s hard to cross the language barrier, but they work just as hard if not harder than me to make sure I understand and to understand me. My sisters have spent a lot of time with me, playing games, cooking, and cleaning all together. My youngest sister loves Jenga. We played it passively pretty much all night. My other sister is 22 like me! She’s in her last year of university, studying the environment. My brother is about to enter his last year of high school. Last night, he was studying for Le Baccalaureate (a major test necessary for graduating high school and going to university in much of the francophone world) from 7-10 P.M. with his tutor. On a Saturday night! My Papa installed a light that changes colors in my room and he was excited to share that with me. My Maman makes sure I am staying in regular contact with my family back home. She also served me more meat when she thought I didn’t have enough protein on my plate. She calls me “cherie.” My family is diligent about making sure I’m boiling and filtering my water and has emphasized the importance of arriving on time for training tomorrow. They bought me mayonnaise that I can spread on my bread (it seems like many host families have bought mayo, especially for us trainees… je suis reconaissante, I suppose). It takes a lot of effort to connect, but it’s effort that’s well spent as it results in laughter and joy.

One of my responsibilities during my stay here is to cook an American meal. My father requested steak. Not sure if I’m up for that. What should I make for my host family? Comment below.

What’s next? I get to find out where my site is next week on 6/20/24! I can’t wait to discover where I’ll be placed and who my counterpart is. I’m looking forward to settling into the new flow of village-based training for the next couple of weeks. I love it here and I can’t wait to invest more effort into reflecting that love outward.